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Running

Blearily, his vision congealed as he sat up. There was little to be seen; the moon was only half full, and the trees around the clearing reduced even that pale light. The tarp was still up over his head; what could have woken him? Then he heard it. The faint skittering, squeaking sound of chitin rapidly sliding on chitin. It was quite distant, but his senses had been honed by closer experiences, and fear. Suddenly he was wide awake. Moving with feverish intensity, he ripped up the tarp stakes and began to pack his meager gear. A white mouse was huddled in the toe of his left boot. Moving to cast it out, he paused, pitying the poor animal. It was fleeing too. He grabbed a small empty pouch from his backpack and dropped the tiny animal in. It didn’t struggle. Nothing had much energy left for struggling these days; good thing too, for he didn’t have the energy to fight off predators. And he was a lucky one.

He might be the only one left who had seen it all start. Even seeing it didn’t make it seem any more reasonable, or possible for that matter. It was just a routine job, defending an excavation at the old tomb. Didn’t even seem particularly spooky. He had been in plenty of worse-feeling places, and with a lot less firepower. There was never any premonition this time of anything going wrong, and he had a good danger sense. His instincts had saved his life many times, and his fellow mercenaries started watching him to get a feel for the danger level. “Weathervane,” they called him. But those instincts had failed him this time. True, he was alive, but that was just luck.

His gear was packed, roped into a tight bundle in and on his backpack. He strapped it on. The extra crisscrossing ropes he had attached made putting it on a bit more difficult, but after a sharp protrusion of rock cut through the right strap, he had decided the security was worth the trouble and the discomfort. He couldn’t afford to waste precious minutes repairing a ripped strap. His gear settled, he took a drink from his second canteen, now half empty. If he remembered right, he would run across a stream sometime that day. He was confident at least that he wasn’t lost; he had sighted on the huge rock spire in the distance every time he had found high ground, and he had some amount of natural direction sense, another potentially life-saving gift.

The mouse was tucked into his bedroll, the best cushioning his stripped-down gear could offer; he didn’t want to kill the animal while trying to save it. He was ready to set out. He found the two blazes he had made and started off.

As he jogged, his thoughts drifted back to the day it began. It was all he could think about, really. He was literally being pursued by it night and day, so little wonder that it haunted his waking hours and sleep alike. Every night, he relived the horror, and woke up only to hear them coming. If he ever got his body out of this alive, he feared his mind might never escape. Mercenaries aren’t supposed to have feelings, but then, this sort of thing wasn’t supposed to happen, either.

©2005-2009 ~GwaihirBW
:icongwaihirbw:

Author's Comments

Again with the one-word title. Heh.

This, like my short essay Snow, is another weekly short tidbit from my AP English class, written in late 2001. It was conceived as the first chapter of a short story, but the second chapter ran into the same problem that all of my story attempts have - I can't write dialogue. Really, it's pitiful. I should collaborate with my sister on something, because she loves writing dialogue but doesn't like scenery.

Anyhow, this is an atmospheric introduction to a story I had planned in some detail. I was pleased with how it turned out, and it ended up in my school's literary magazine alongside of Snow. I won't go into the story here . . . the glimpses provided in the text are part of the desired effect. ;)

I used a lot of short sentences for effect here, but I may have overdone it a bit.

Comments


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:iconspikeobsessed:
Wow. (Stares for a moment, amazed.) That was bloody brilliant! It was truly astounding that he managed to take a moment to care about the poor little mouse, and the ending was spectacular! Truly a piece of art! :)

--
"I'd like to keep Spike as my pet." - Illyria
:icongwaihirbw:
The mouse was destined to be not insignificant . . . I really should dig this back up and finish it.

Thanks for the comment! Yay, someone noticed meeeee! :glomp:

--
~ In the beginning, there was nothing, which exploded. ~ Terry Pratchett
|:-Ð >:-Þ
J.R.R. Tolkien Community
:iconyoukai-hime:
o__o
*loves*

--
:omfg:I STOLE MY BROTHER'S PANTIES!
MY FRIENDS! :heart:
:icongwaihirbw:
Yayy! Thanks!

--
~ In the beginning, there was nothing, which exploded. ~ Terry Pratchett
|:-Ð >:-Þ
J.R.R. Tolkien Community
:iconyoukai-hime:
oh pssshhhh :spank:
it was really good, specially the ending!

--
:omfg:I STOLE MY BROTHER'S PANTIES!
MY FRIENDS! :heart:
:iconspikeobsessed:
I quite agree, you should finish it, it has major potential. I'd have to keep reading it if u did. :nod:

No prob about the comment, your writing deserved to be noticed. :D

--
"I'd like to keep Spike as my pet." - Illyria
:iconinsanementalchild:
thats really good... you're uber good at describing the place and how the person feels...

--
=^_^=
:icongwaihirbw:
Thanks, I like going nuts with details . . . I need to finish up something longer and get it on here.

--
~ In the beginning, there was nothing, which exploded. ~ Terry Pratchett
|:-Ð >:-Þ
J.R.R. Tolkien Community
:icondarkiye:
I'm not much of a reader, but I know a good piece of writing when I see it. That's a good piece. Pretty damned short, but I like it all the same.

I'm not saying you should finish it, you sound very busy, but

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March 30, 2005
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