Snow is the only naturally provided reason not to abolish winter altogether and take up hibernation. It makes the season worth all the ignominy of looking like the Michelin Man at those tender ages when one’s elbows do not quite extend beyond the radius of insulation applied by well-meaning mothers. Life wouldn’t be half so Wonderful if George Bailey had to run joyously home through slush and ice! What kind of Christmas would we be forced to dream of? Who would want to sing “Let it Sleet”? How could we possibly be jolly without a heavenly blanket of pure white beauty waiting outside our door, ready to be sculpted into everything our hearts desire?

Even from a purely practical viewpoint, snow is an essential element in the creation and maintenance of a civilization. Art, science, and technology can all be traced back to snow. Snow makes every child a Michelangelo, igniting a creative flame and training them in the depiction of angels, the scupture of human form, and the principles of architecture and fortification. Snow is a child’s first multi-specialty advanced science course, as well. ‘Wet’ snow bonds together, and ‘dry’ snow is powder, as every young chemist/materials engineer knows. “Don’t eat yellow snow!” is an important lesson in biology and pathology. Baseball may be a classic lesson in ballistics and projectile motion, but even sooner comes that thrilling first snowball. Add a sled or toboggan, and young physicists begin investigations into the forces of gravity and friction. Clearly, snow is a foundation of the modern world.

In light of the obvious fact that life is incomplete without snow, I would like to make an important proposal. Certainly, America’s educational institutions are on the right track in creating “snow days” to allow students the opportunity to maximize their experience with this wonderful substance, but this is truly inadequate except in such locations as Alaska and Siberia. I propose that these days be renamed “independent snow days,” and that a new, state-funded type of “snow day” be created. These days will be school days officially devoted to the exploration of snow, by a) field trips to ski resorts and similarly snow-rich areas, b) use of snow machines to create no less than three feet of snow covering either local parks or a campus with no fewer than three athletic fields and four large hills, or c) use of weather control to generate county-wide snows of at least three feet, maintained or exceeded for at least one week. The federal government should immediately create a fund for research into the latter option, with the goal of implementing nationwide compliance with that method no later than the year 2012. I believe that I speak for the vast majority of the population of the United States of America in my advocacy for this proposal, and I am prepared to create a petition to that effect, expecting the signatures of at least 90% of the students and educators in this country. Of course, this idea has potential even outside of the United States, especially in the Middle East and Africa. The obvious cause of constant warfare and terrorism in these troubled regions is their complete lack of jollity. With luck and good planning, I hope to implement this plan internationally by the year 2025, thereby bringing to fruition the age-old dream of world peace.